Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Since I had relatives in both the Civil and Revolutionary Wars, does that mean that somewhere, in the wilderness of Virginia and at every Fourth of July there are grown men spending their weekends prentending (more like assuming the shape of) my dead great-great-great grandfathers? The thought is both eerie and fascinating...I might like to meet these guys.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Yet another of my previous blog posts, this one is perhaps my favorite. Enjoy!
So, as always, I'm writing from my post in the library. This very snotty woman came in earlier complaining that the NY Times she wanted wasn't on the rack. So I went to the rack, confirming that indeed the paper was not there, and informed the woman I didn't know where it was because, well, not only didn't I give a monkey turd, but in the world of libraries anything not in it's designated place is deemed "lost." I asked her if she was looking for something specific, an article, perhaps and she said that in fact she was not.
I'm not sure if you've ever met anyone like this woman, but she was very condescending. She asked "Do you think that the staff pick it up and read it, and dont put it back where it belongs or lose it?" "Periodicals aren't supposed to leave the library," I replied. "Yeah, but do you think thats what happens?" Her lipstick bothered me, her twitchy body language told me immediately that she was no good. "I really can't say ma'am (women hate it when you call them ma'am) but I would hope no staff member here would ever committ such a grevious offense."
My real beef with this lady is that she is hopelessly out of touch with reality and time. It's 2006, there is virtually no news on the planet that is inaccessable via the internet. Also, what kind of person can't go get their own new york times? they're $1...
Speaking of things that dont last long in new york (newspapers, dollars...) I found out why the Milk in NYC has a more recent expiration date than surrounding areas. Let me give some background for those that dont live in new york. See, on milk containers in the city there's a date of expiration lets say it's April 11, then below that date is another line that says "In NYC April 9." Well shit like that will keep a person up nights, just wondering if there's some sort of NY milk conspiracy.
Turns out that The NYC board of Health is pretty smart. They take into account the potential mishandling of "fluid milk" and have set stricter rules about milk sales. So the deal is that once a grocery store gets the milk, they have 96 hours to sell it (which gives us our shortened expiration date). It seems that the date on the bottle is less of an indicator of when the milk will be bad and more of a guide for how long the milk is saleable by law. Also turns out that milk is usually still good for several days after the expiration date
So it's not that the milk here is any worse than milk anywhere else, it's just that we have higher standards.
Another recycled post from my Myspace blog. Enjoy!
Want to know something wierd? I think something died in the elevator. It smells like vomit and soy sauce. Why I thought that particular image was important to record for posterity I dont know...
So today is Guy Fawkes day. That's right, guy fawkes day. Guy Fawkes was one of a group of men who conspired to blow up the houses of Parlaiment durring the opening of Parlaiment by the monarch James I. Fawkes and his conspirators were captured after one of the men tried to warn a fellow papist allie in Parlaiment. The men were hanged, drawn, and quartered after special permission was granted from the king. We derive our modern word "guy" from Guy Fawkes because every year on this day the british burn effigies of guy fawkes (we did it in American until the mid 18th Century). The effigies were commonly refered to as "an old guy" and the word came to be broadly applied to any grotesque male figure and then took the place of other slang (chap, bloke, etc.) coming to mean any male.
Please to remember
The Fifth of November,
The poor old guy
With a hole in his stocking
A hole in his hat where his hair comse through.
If yoiu haven't got a penny a halfpenny will do,
If you haven't got a halfpenny
God bless you.
Why did I waste your time with all this? Because I can.
Barely passed the U.S. citizenship test
Gotten a 115 on the IQ test, cause I can't do math
My 1920's name is Hardin Garfield, My pimp name is MC Dogg, My french name is Emmanuel Auger, my sexy brazillian name is Leandro Montenegro
I'm a butterfinger, a meatball pizza, and an eagle. I was a whale in a past life and a russian monk. Apparently I'm 29 years old.
Yeah, I'm bored.